Corrective implant for better conversation

A controversial new device is being brought to market which claims to rectify a range of 'conversational impurities' especially those involving repetition and cliché. For those who have developed the habit of inserting such words or sounds as er, um, ya'know, like, or clichéd phrases such as 'at the end of the day' or 'to be perfectly honest' (perhaps even the use of inappropriate language) an effective but radical solution may be at hand.

Untwisted Tongue, a company that claims to specialize in improving the way that people express themselves has designed a tiny implant that is placed, literally, on the tip of your tongue. A minute microphone inside the implant is able to pick up all the details of a conversation. A remote processing unit, about half the size of a small mobile phone, that can be carried by the person with the implant will analyse the style, mode, and the content of someone's speech. This unit can be set at various levels of conversational sophistication or it can be programmed to eliminate the use of certain elements. The controversial aspect of the system is that the device then relays information back to the implant which then, when triggered by a 'slip of the tongue', delivers a small electric shock to that same tongue.

Ash Derhman the device's inventor disagrees with those who have called the system barbaric and who have described it as correction via torture: "The voltage involved is quite small and, although, there is a degree of pain, it is really more of a reminder. Bear in mind that anyone using this device does so by choice and for some people this is a last resort when the've been struggling with an embarrassing or compromising problem all of their lives."

Others however, are not convinced: "Who is the arbiter in all this?" questioned the well known leftist commentator and journalist Jago Chadwick. "Who gets to decide what is a good way of speaking, and what is bad? This is a familiar type of project trying to suppress the heterogeneity of cultural expression and cram some kind of conformity into our mouths. Its just another means of insidious control."